Tastiest Reads

Primetime Park – Exhibit 10: Sports Science Laboratory

Sports Science Laboratory
Written by AJ Smith
Thanks to the omnipotent Bill Nye the Science Guy and Walt “Heisenberg” White, most of us know enough about science to be dangerous at a dinner party. But is that enough? I’m glad you asked. It’s not. We’re falling short in one key category: Sports Science. Thankfully, we have John Brenkus to serve as our nerd-bombing spirit animal to explain the real impact of laces in vs. out and the sheer ferociousness Russell Westbrook dunks with. Just come on in *motions under our wing* and nestle right in – welcome to the Sports Science Laboratory.

The gist:



Dr. (We’re assuming he’s a doctor…) Brenkus (in holographic form, naturally) will guide you through each facet of the Laboratory, blowing your mind one exhibit at a time. Imagine if a science museum and SportsCenter had a summer fling – Shazam: Sports Science.

Dr. Brenkus does an exceptional job breaking down the physics of sports in his SportsCenter mini-series. You’ll get more of that magic throughout your Laboratory experience; that’s a given.

However, the Laboratory is about so much more. What, you ask? Let us enlighten you. The Laboratory includes, but is not limited to:

  • Athletic training: A seldom discussed profession that is taking the nation by storm. Ever wonder what those cool customers that run onto the field with an Indiana Jones style utility belt full of Gatorades and athletic tape actually know? It’s time to find out. The Laboratory offers a lightning speed workshop to get a sneak peek at the many talents of these superstar sidekicks.
  • Personal training: Ever wonder if your form is on fleek at the gym? These are the folks to ask. Learn about health, nutrition, fitness, and the perfect squat from our powerhouse personal training squad.
  • Behind the music – Gatorade: You’ve seen the commercials (The Legend of Gatorade). You know the origin story. Now it’s time to learn about the chemistry of it all. What is an electrolyte? Why do they significantly enhance my mood after a night out enjoying adult beverages? The Laboratory has all these answers, and more.
  • The Combine: Constantly, we hear about these quarterbacks crushing the Wonderlic test (which I’ve just been told, has nothing to do with wanderlust… what do you know?) But how would we score relative to the Vince Youngs of the world? Perhaps even more intriguing, we see these defensive backs and wide outs run silly 40 times and jump higher than an average human’s height. Time to see how you measure up.
  • Comprehensive Athletic Stamina and Performance Analysis ©: A PRIMETIME PARK EXCLUSIVE… CASPA (no relation to Casper, the friendly ghost) enables guests to complete a series of athletic events (testing the sports nearest and dearest to your heart). You receive an overly detailed report breaking down your strengths and opportunities, including everything from your form, the trajectory your shot travels, your breathing patterns, and your muscle memory. It’s dope.

This is a no judgment zone. Put on your thinking lab coats and tell us how else we can enhance this nerd-bomber’s paradise in the comments below.


About the author

AJ Smith

AJ has a bachelor degree in marketing and management as well as a master's degree in business administration. His specialties are basketball (letsgoo Suns!), baseball (letsgoo D-Backs/Bo-Sox!), football (letsgoo Cards and my "legendary for all the wrong reasons" fastasy football teams), early 2000s pop-punk, college gourmet culinary creations, Star Wars, bromance, cheese, and longwindedness.

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